Dear Reader,
I want to tell you a story, a very recent story. It’s a fucking hilarious story I think. Luci too, that’s short for Lucifer, Ol’ Scratch himself, he’s a friend of mine of sorts. It’s a story that we can both agree on every detail of, which is very rare. I may be a friend of the devil, but we don’t always see things the same way.
I have a real penchant for beginning stories with questions. How do you feel about that? Do you like music? Do you like drugs? Ever been to Asheville? Let’s go.
“Ever dance with the devil in the pale moon light?”
-someone in an old Batman movie that I almost remember.
Twiddle. Goodbye For Now tour in a small indoor venue, on a cold, dreary, winter’s night in AVL. My riders and I had been waiting for this show for months! We love music, it has power. Maybe not as much as it used to, but it still retains some nonetheless.
The snow and sleet came down in sheets as Luci and I made our way down the mountain and began a long, slow ride towards the NC line. Normally a quick, energizing little trip, this one had an ominous feel. It may have had something to due with the previous week, let’s explore:
Luci had been acting like a jealous bitch all week and things were just kind of off all around. The weather had been shit for days and the doldrums of winter were setting in, swept in with the cutting northeasterly winds that had been hammering the mountain all week.
I asked him repeatedly what his deal was. I figured he would’ve been on top of the world dancing in the flames, he sure has set enough fires lately. If only he knew then, that by the end of the week, he’d be dancing in circles to get away from the flamers. Hahaha sorry, couldn’t help it, friend of the devil and all.
Turns out he’d been pouting all week because he desperately wanted to go see Mihali. Someone had told him that the singer had been hanging out with Jacob from Soja. This disturbed him, greatly, and he said he wanted to go “assess the damages”. I think this is his idea of a joke, he can be a corny fuck.
And he was in luck! Surprise, surprise right? The devil got his way.
My three went down one by one during the week with an evil curse of a malady. I, being of different make up than they, was feeling ship shape. Luci was in the game!
Only one problem, he needed a human body. Not necessarily just to go to the show, he could walk right in if that’s all he wanted. Nope Lu needed a body to inhabit because, as he told me “You remember that CIA fuck I introduced you to? Yeah well, he just gave me three hits of double dipped blotter acid, shit that would melt Leary’s mind, maaaaaan”.
That meant he needed an actual body, one with neurotransmitters and whatever all else is involved. Not a bunch of greasy, oily, smoke that leaves a mild odor of rot everywhere he goes. And despite what you may think, Lu is pretty picky. He loathes having to inhabit a body without having time to properly vet the owner. Says the microplastics and GMOs give him migraines.
And that’s why, even being less than completely healed from the plague, he chose to tag along with me using Number 2s meat suit.
Number 2 has a name, don’t worry. I’m an asshole but everyone deserves a name. Except for Number 3, his name is Three.
But for the sake of our story we will simply call Number 2, Loki, we’ll get to know him plenty more as we travel along. But for now, he is simply Luci for the night. Loki will be fine, don’t worry, Luce knows what’ll happen if he isn’t careful with that body.
Now, you’re all caught up, let’s get back to the show.
It was a late night show, doors at 9; music at 10. We made our way into the room and cut a path to the front of the stage, right under the speakers. Luci said he wanted to “feel the music as well as hear and see it”. He was after the full experience while he had a body to play with.
We leaned against the security rail and bobbed our heads to the house music in that awkward pre show lighting, just waiting for the room to fill in. It was an Asheville crowd all right. Late night shows bring out the freaks, and tonight, the devil.
I was in my own little world, just riding the groove of some Stick Figure song or another when Luce turned around just long enough to make eye contact with me and held out his hand. In it, was a small rectangle of aluminum foil, above the hand was a grin, a devilish one at that. I took the package and looked it over. I knew it was “safe”, Luce wouldn’t dare put something untested into that borrowed body, Hell no, not that one. He needs me too much to betray me in such a way.
I unfolded the foil and looked down at a little green Yoda, just smiling up at me. Another equally happy little guy neatly cut down the middle laying just underneath.
Now I know, drugs aren’t always the answer, but it was a late night Twiddle show, in Asheville, so those little Yodas quickly disappeared into my mouth.
And then the night began.
The first band came on about 20 minutes later, just as we were both beginning to make eye contact and grin at each other a lot. We were feeling the first twinges of the drug coursing through ours brains, and had no real idea where it was going to take us. Those first few moments of an acid trip are always electrifying.
The opener was a quasi-local band called Of Good Nature. You know those shows where the opener is such a let down that all you can think is “why doesn’t the headliner just play two sets?” That wasn’t these guys, not in the least. This was a rock band complete with trumpets and trombones, they blew the doors off that little venue.
Luci was enthralled. The LSD had fully taken hold and he was in it. Moving and dancing like the devil he was. The speakers were nearly rattling the teeth in my head, and I know it was stronger for him. Feeling anything at all is really quite the novelty for him as you may imagine.
The drums drove and the bass walked. Luci was gone for the ride. A smile on his face that for once didn’t have that evil little glint to it. Just a peaceful little smile as he rocked back and forth, completely unaware of the world around him. He almost looked HAPPY? And I wondered if that was even possible?
It didn’t last long. Never does.
The openers finished up and made their way off stage in that oh so familiar rush to clear the way for the headliner. The crowd milled about, getting drinks or using the restroom, normal stuff. Almost.
I started noticing a change in the air around me. Not a smell or mist, I’m used to that thanks to Luce. It was an off-ness that just didn’t feel quite right. I also had a head full of CIA quality acid making things that much harder to focus on. The rainbows were everywhere! Every direction I looked was a rainbow, the acid shattering the colors and throwing them into kaleidoscopic patterns. I started to try to bring my focus onto the people who were suddenly pressing against us, pushing us to the rail, but the acid kept distracting me, keeping me from seeing their faces clearly.
Then Twiddle took the stage, and my focus, along with everyone else in the crowd was on the stage.
As one might expect from a band that had just announced, “this is it, last tour!”, they played with an energy that was infectious and soon we were all locked in. The acid had me just on the edge, the edge of everything. That feeling of almost seeing, almost knowing. It was amazing.
Luci was standing in front of me. Wearing a flannel shirt and a peaky cap, he kinda looked like one of those Newsy kids, if one of those kids had found a bunch of LSD tucked into the day’s rag he was out slinging.
We were about three quarters of the way through the show, and Mihali was in the middle of a very strange version of The Box, when Luci turned to me with a look of absolute horror on his face. He had seen, something, that much was obvious, and we had to go, NOW!
Pupils like dinner plates, and face as white as a ghost he took a step towards the exit and the crowd parted. No one wants to get puked on and he definitely looked like he was going to puke.
We made our way out of the venue unscathed, there were a few campfires burning outside like little oasis’s in the night, providing safe places for people who may have consumed a bit too much. Something about the crowd still felt wrong to me as we passed through them, but I couldn’t quite focus on their faces. I knew something had shifted, just not what.
At the fire Luci started to settle down a bit, at least enough to tell me what had caused the need for such a hasty escape.
“What the fuck was that Will?!? They were everywhere!!” He said in a slightly muffled voice. There were a few others huddled at a nearby fire and he seemed uncomfortable with them overhearing our conversation.
“Fuck if I know man, I can’t seem to see them. There’s something murky where their faces should be, gives me a headache right behind my eyes” I said, rubbing my head and wishing I had a better answer.
“We need to go, now. This is not a safe place anymore. Call a fucking Uber and lets go, now”
I’m not used to seeing Luce shook up like this. It was time to go, and fast. So with a head full of acid I managed to get an Uber lined up and prepared for the feat ahead, getting back through that crowd and out of the venue.
We picked our route and headed in. At once I saw it and wished I hadn’t! We were in the middle of an orgy!
A fucking furry orgy! People dressed up as all manner of woodland creatures, fucking, in the middle of the crowd! Even without being bent on LSD this would’ve been terrifying!
There was something else though, an undercurrent of sorts. I could feel it looking for me as we cut through the writhing mass of furry fucks.
Then I saw them.
Dressed in the most flamboyant manner you could imagine were 6 drag queen weresomethings.
I say weresomethings because werewolf isn’t quite right. Luci and I have a running argument about what to call them. They are not like us, they do not belong here, and they have been wreaking havoc on the world since WWII. They are the bane of my existence and the only reason that Luci, MJ, and I have come together in this band of unlikely allies. We have tentatively decided to call them DragYotes. And don’t you worry, we’ll talk much more about them later, first we have to get Luci out of here. If they were to catch him, in human form, we’re ALL fucked!
They saw us at about the same time, and then instantly spread out into the furry fuckfest all around us. They must have known Luci would be here and vulnerable tonight. So we fucking ran! Ran right over rabbits, foxes, bunnies, and I think even a ferret, or maybe it was a mink. Either way we ran! Spooked furries took to the hills in the most fucked up stampede I’ve ever seen.
Luckily for Luce and I, the commotion we caused by the stampede brought the house lights on and the drag queens went back to their usual act. They love attention, but only if they can hide their true nature from the Light. We were able to slip out unscathed into the waiting arms of our Uber driver.
He wasn’t just an Uber driver mind you. He was our hero! Idling under him was a vehicle that seemed to defy the laws of physics. Like a living thing, the Acura SUV beaconed us inside with its warm light.
Our hero, wearing a black du-rag and smelling slightly of weed and cigarettes, whisked us away and into the Asheville night. Alive, exhilarated, and still tripping balls!
I hope you enjoyed this little side trip. Maybe these little bonus adventures will help fill in some of the missing pieces in the “Big Story” for you. I’ve got A LOT of work to do around the mountain today. With the blizzard and the bone chilling cold setting in for the week, I’m sure Luci and I will be quite busy.
Talk soon, I hope,
Will